How you would write out Fat Pat now actress Pam St Clement is about to leave EastEnders?
Tough one but see if you can do any better than this....
Who would have thought, in this day and age, that censorship was still an issue?
But it is. Just ask Lee Hall, creator of Billy Elliot.
So that's what Fiona Bruce was doing sitting in a deck chair on the beach at Cullercoats.
Wimbledon is a time for over-priced strawberries and cream and watching Andy Murray practicing for a gurning competition.
I have tried really hard to enjoy Scott and Bailey, ITV's female detective team, but I can't get away with it.
NORTH boys Graeme Gowland and Barry Burrell are looking good for a great potential battle in tomorrow's two Mirror.co.uk BSB-Evo races at Thruxton.
Gowland of Allendale, Northumberland, arrived back with the WFR Honda squad this weekend after missing the first three rounds after breaking his wrist in the first race of the year at Brands Hatch.
And now he is keen to make up for lost time, and has been a consistent top three Evo runner since he jumped back on board yesterday morning.
By Zoe Burn and Mic Archbold, Images by Full Throttle Imaging
ALEX Lowes stamped his authority on the MCE Insurance British Superbike Championship as he stormed to pole at Thruxton this afternoon.
The Lincolnshire rider grabbed the top spot in his first qualifying session since joining the MSS Colchester Kawasaki squad just over a week ago.
Not only does it make Lowes' first BSB pole, but it is also the first time the team has ever had one of its bikes head the grid.
By Mic Archbold, Images by Full Throttle Imaging.
THE HM Plant Honda of Shane Byrne outpaced Swan Yamaha's Tommy Hill in both of today's Free Practice Sessions at Thruxton.
Byrne came out strong from the outset, putting in a series of fast laps straight away, beating the Swan Yamaha of Hill by a quarter of a second at the end of the second session.
Byrne has already won four outings at this Hampshire circuit, three of which were in his title winning years, and he is keen to build on his victory at Croft two weeks ago.
IF there was ever any scintilla of doubt about where the power lies at Newcastle United, it was brutally removed yesterday.
By sending Joey Barton's agent packing without even the sniff of a contract offer yesterday, Mike Ashley and Derek Llambias sent a message. It was a clarion call to the dressing room, to the manager and to any agents presuming the club's need to recruit gives them a licence to make unreasonable demands - and it leaves no-one in any doubt that they are in firm control of events at St James' Park.
AFTER 38 games, roughly 57 hours of football (give or take some chunks of injury time) and a barrel load of blood, sweat and tears, how remarkable that in the end it all came down to the last 60 seconds of the season.
Early Cup exits combined with European dreams frittering away in mid-March meant the battle for regional bragging rites became the sole focus for Sunderland and Newcastle as the campaign wound to a less-than-compelling conclusion.