A pair of old women
There's nothing sadder than a pair of middle-aged blokes trying to be cool.
That was the case with Oz Clarke and James May when they tried to recapture their lost youth on a night out in the Bigg Market.
The segment in Oz and James Drink To Britain could have been great. It could have been an insight in the vibrant hub of a party city playing hard.
Instead they stood around like spare pricks at a wedding staring at the kids having a great time.
Should they go to the City Vaults? No, far too energetic for the old codgers. Instead they made do with a quiet pint in the Cumberland Arms accompanied, no doubt, by a game of dominoes and a good old (old being the operative word) moan about the youth of today.
It was, as one of them said, loud, gaudy, boisterous, and full of people not wearing enough clothes.
A missed opportunity, then, to partake of the pleasures of the Bigg Market.
Many, however, will have been nodding their heads in agreement at their views of the brewery which makes Newcastle Brown Ale. Apart from the nonsense about calling it Gatey Broon - because it's brewed in Gateshead - there were some cutting comments.
Having spent time at a micro brewery earlier in the show both were less than impressed with their visit to the bigger operation. One of them, I forget which, said: "Small brewers make a small amount of beer but with love and dedication. That's not possible here." And again: "How can a place like this produce a beer with soul?" Answer, according to our twosome? It can't. Certainly, the brewing process was clean and hygienic, but it was hardly traditional. Anyway, who drinks Newky Broon any more?