November 2008 Archives

In the good old days we used to enjoy Christmas. It began not long after we stepped from the plane with a straw donkey and a suitcase full of cheap fags, and really got into full swing just after we lit our last sparkler.

The Animals Save the Planet

By Trash Talk on Nov 26, 08 10:00 AM

An object lesson in how to get a complex message across in an entertaining way.

Watch some stop-motion animals explain how you can lower your impact on the planet:

Great fun to watch. Thanks to Ken Oxley at the Sunday Sun for suggesting this site.

Given that I've no dating possibilities on the horizon, I'm sat watching the tellybox night after night and as a result have found myself developing an unhealthy addiction to "I'm A Celebrity... etc", not because I enjoy watching folk eating animal genitalia (something that is presumably a boon to any fetishist whose internet connection has failed) but because of the relationship dynamics.

The other night two WAGs were chatting away to each other about their wonderful relationships, which caused Esther Rantzen to break down in tears about missing her deceased husband Desmond. It was so very sad to witness but in a selfish way made me think of my own single status.

I'm not going to blather on, however, about the downsides of being on one's own, but instead concentrate on the upsides. No-one to ever say sniffily: "Don't you think you've had enough to drink?" or look up from their newspaper as you're heading out the door for a night out with the girls and mutter tetchily: "You're wearing THAT?" No need to hide a ridiculously expensive impulse purchase in the wardrobe. No-one to question the phone bill. My delightful ex-husband once went through our itemised bill line by line and rang a number he didn't recognise to find out who I'd been speaking to for over an hour. Not because he thought I was talking to anyone I shouldn't be (I wasn't) but because he expected me to produce what he felt was an acceptable reason for the time I had spent on the telephone. Mind you, given that he is now immensly wealthy and I, most emphatically, am not, perhaps there was method in his nit-picking financially prudent madness.

Meanwhile, the Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce is about go through, with Mr Ritchie reportedly not taking a penny of his soon to be ex-wife's money. This sounds terribly noble until you read that he is in possession of a £30 million pound fortune himself. Hardly the breadline, folks.

Anyway, b*llocks to them and back to me. If you haven't got any spare cash, how are you supposed to go out dressed in your best in order to meet someone who with luck will turn out to the man you spend the rest of your life with? My best mate is always telling me that if someone asks me out for dinner I should go whether, on the basis that it's a free meal and more importantly I might enjoy myself. She's a switched on girl and thinking that this was sound advice, I did this once: never again. Don't do it girls. At the end of dinner, after three bottles of outrageously expensive wine and some utterly delicious food (he was paying, so why not), the bill came and he did that patting of all his pockets schtick and then announced he'd left his wallet at home. Yes, it was genuine and yes, he did give me the money the following day but in the meantime my paying the bill put me right up to my overdraft limit and as a result two direct debits bounced. I hadn't the nerve to say to him, "that'll be an extra thirty quid please," so needless to say, I didn't go out with him again.

Perhaps when one is embarking on a date both parties should draw up a document similar to Pre-Nup. You know, with clauses such as a cheque book/credit card/cash must be produced at the beginning of the evening to prove ability to pay; there will be no lunging for a goodnight kiss unless the other party has indicated this is acceptable; a visit to Pizza Hut does not count as "dinner". And so on and so forth.

Although this attitude might count as a reason for my singledom of course.

From Hero to Zero

By Blog on the Box on Nov 20, 08 12:31 PM

He was, it has to be said, not the best contestant in Strictly Come Dancing but John Sergeant got my vote. He was a hero who defied the odds to avoid the dreaded dance-off and return the following week...and the following week...and the following week. But by his decision to quit he became a zero in an instant.

I was in my loft the other day and found a half drunk cup of tea. I hadn't been in there for almost three months. I have since found a glass half full of wine behind the rubber plant in the bathroom and on Sunday morning, the normally bustling bird table in my garden was silent and almost deserted.

Student Life

By Two Point Four Children on Nov 18, 08 10:09 PM

We have just been to visit Son No One in Manchester for a couple of days and stayed on the eighth floor of a luxury hotel with a view of the Manchester Wheel and Harvey Nicholls. Son No. Two however, wanted to experience life in the student house so he stayed with Son No. One...

Devil of the North

By Blog on the Box on Nov 18, 08 03:59 PM

DID anyone else feel jipped at last week's Antiques Roadshow.
It was the one with shed-loads of publicity about the first £1m valuation by the show's experts.
And as the programme was recorded at the Sage Gateshead I tuned in expecting to see all the emotion of a ordinary man or woman who found a genuine antique in their possession.
What I got was....

Keep yer face on, Grumpy

By Ray Lewis on Nov 13, 08 09:00 AM

I was made redundant a while ago and have since learned that whilst unemployment doesn't open many doors, it certainly opens your eyes. Last week I was standing in line waiting to sign on when 6 feet 6 inches of Tattoo walked through the door and muscled its way to the front of the queue.

"JUST hold it there," said Chris Crudelli with a broad smile. "Its about the mind having control over the body..."
Of course that was easy for Chris to say - he was standing upright!

The rest of us were crouched over, legs spread wide apart, knees bent at right angles, groaning, sweating and jibbering as we held the infamous horse stance for what seemed a life time.

There I was, deep in horse stance with every muscle in my legs screaming "Stop! Now!" and thinking "Why I'm I doing this?"

But of course Chris is right - the mind is such a powerful thing that it really can kick the proverbial ass of the body any day if you believe it can.

He also had us practising developing Chi, or Ki if you follow the Japanese arts.

Question is - what is the force that you can feel in your hands when you practise the Qi Quong techniques?

Don't throw that holey sock away

By Trash Talk on Nov 11, 08 03:32 PM

Saving money, reducing your waste and reuse can go hand-in-hand or rather toe-to-toe.

Let me introduce you to the newest YouTube "sensation" - How to darn a sock.
Okay it's not getting as many hits as the latest X-Factor pop-tart but 21,998 views isn't bad.

Go here to see the video.

Seriously though all clothes come with an impact on the environment, including their carbon footprint and their waste footprint. By repairing a perfectly serviceable sock you are not only saving money but lowering your impact on the planet.

Still don't believe that socks have a major impact. The factory town of Datang in China, alone produces nine billion pairs of socks each year.

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