Physician - I'll heal myself

By Ray Lewis on Oct 6, 08 02:40 PM

There has been much grumbling and many theories expounded recently about why it is so difficult to see a doctor. I would suggest the cause is not an increase in illnesses, or a shortage of physicians, but the clogging of the system by people who watch morning TV lifestyle and health programmes.

Slushy presenters are always banging on about how you should see your GP immediately if you so much as cut yourself shaving, break a fingernail, or bruise your ego. You have to rush to the doctors and get checked out or you'll die in days from razor mite rash, nail cancer or a terminal inferiority complex.

It is probably done to prevent legal action, as some idiot with split ends may confuse the daily recipe with the hair makeover feature and crème brûlée their noggin with a chef's blowtorch. Or some pillock might lose an ear after the gardening slot trying to improve a dodgy barnet with a strimmer. The result is really ill people like you and I can't see a doctor because the surgery is full of people needing assurance that they are not going to die before the weekend.

Where I live it's easier to scrape out your own earwax with your elbow than get a doctor's appointment. Getting past step one of the assembly instructions from an Ikea wardrobe is a doddle compared to getting past the receptionist.

The last time I needed to see a doctor, I rang the surgery and had to listen to ten minutes of waffle about the services they offer. Why can't they have a message that says, "If you'd like to speak to a real person instead of listening to ten minutes of waffle, press 1?" When I eventually spoke to a real person she said, "I'm sorry, but all of today's appointments are taken. You'll have to ring back after 8.00am in the morning."

The next day I rang at 7.55am, listened to all the waffle, pressed random buttons and was eventually connected to the receptionist at 8.05am. Guess what she said? "I'm sorry, but all of today's appointments are taken. You'll have to ring back after 8.00am in the morning, or come to the surgery in person."

At 7.55am the next morning I was standing outside the surgery with about twenty other people. I was last in line and guess what I was told when my turn came up? "I'm sorry, but all of today's appointments are taken, but if it's urgent you can wait for about 19 hours and you'll definitely be seen by a doctor."

I protested that in a practice with ten doctors they must have more than twenty appointments, but was told the remaining appointments were reserved for telephone enquiries.

I immediately went outside and called the surgery on my mobile. Guess what? After listening to all the waffle again and pressing random buttons, "I'm sorry, but all of today's appointments are taken. You'll have to ring back after 8.00am in the morning, or come to the surgery in person."

I went back inside and protested, but to no avail. I couldn't even make an appointment for a future date because the surgery rules would not allow it. Apparently appointments can only be made on the day, for that day only. I gave up trying to see a doctor and suffered my illness without treatment. I haven't visited my GP since. Not because I haven't been ill, but because it is far too stressful.

It can only get worse. I can see the day when Health and Safety officials insist surgeries protect receptionists from angry appointment seekers by employing a bouncer on the door to thump anyone who tries to get inside.

So please Morning TV companies, it would be more helpful if you stopped telling us why we should see our GPs and tell us how too.