29 is the magic number

By Gill Alexander on Oct 6, 08 03:10 PM

Man alive, Smug Marrieds are boring. I left their world eight years ago and rarely do I dip into it these days. I was never particularly enthralled by the sound of a Boden catalogue plopping through the letterbox, or an Easter break involving four families, two holiday cottages and a mentally scarring journey to Pembrokeshire culminating in sitting on a damp beach pretending I don't mind my hair turning into a carpet-like fuzz in the inevitable drizzle. And I don't want friends known only as "The Hendersons" either.

No, not me, mate. My social life is far much fun. I like kicking around with a bunch of gays who at the drop of a feather boa don wig, wedding dress (don't ask) and war paint in order to belt out the Abba back catalogue in my kitchen. Although I don't think the neighbours share my enthusiasm. Do you like people who refer to wine as "the old vino"? Me neither.

In my opinion, those of my peers who remain married plighted their troth ridiculously young and barely have a few finger marks, let alone notches, on their bedposts. I'm not suggesting you have to sleep around to have a fulfilled life but I do, honestly, believe you shouldn't get married until you've had your sexual fun, because you'll have precious little once you've got that ring on your finger.

Liberal Demoncrat leader Nick Clegg (hyperlink www.nickclegg.org.uk ) got himself into hot water not so long ago when he admitted to GQ magazine that he'd slept with "no more than 30 women." Setting aside what that actually means - I'm guessing 29 - it would be interesting to see how many women ever admit to how many blokes they've shagged. If I was asked this question and allowed no time to tot up, I'd have no idea.

Which is not to say the number is up there with the same amount of blokes Trooping the Colour but come on - who actually counts? I can't think of one of my single friends who would ask such a question. When we discuss sex, our conversation is usually a detailed analysis of the deed done; marks for technical merit, artistic impression and so on. Anyway, if I knock one night stands off my total - let's face it, if you can't remember their name, it doesn't count - it's pretty respectable. But then, what is a respectable number? More than Mother Theresa, less than a hooker?

According to handbag.com (hyperlink http://www.handbag.com), "over a third of UK women believe sex is better within the confines of a long term relationship as couples grow to know each other's preferences."

But look at it another way. This statistic means that nearly two thirds of UK women DON'T believe sex is better within a long term relationship. So what sort of dull sex lives do they have? As for the advantages of learning each other's preferences - that just means he knows there's no chance of a blow job.