A plea to Alan Shearer: Don't give up the day job

(Insert an imaginary smiley face at this point in the blog, please)

The game was Middlesbrough v Sheffield United in the FA Cup fifth round replay.
You switch on expecting a bit of enthusiasm in the pre-match banter from the BBC's finest and what do you get? Mr This Will be Crap (Linneker) and Mr Where Am I? (Shearer).

Remember the last time these two teams met, asked the crisp salesman. It wasn't very good, he said, answering his own question.
Can mediocrity be followed by a classic game, asked the crisp salesman. Probably not, he said, again answering his own question.

By this time the Linneker Shearer cabaret act was really building up the hopes of fans.
"Where am I?" asked Shearer, taking up the theme that the forthcoming game would be boring.
Ho, ho, don't give up the day job for a career on stage, Alan.

And to answer his question, he was at the Riverside jobbing for the BBC and not at St James' Park as Kevin Keegan's deputy.

A little bit of enthusiasm here, lads, please. Viewers want to be pumped up, not deflated, as they settle down to watch the match.

And with a warm-up (cool down?) like that you can forgive them for switching off and going down the pub.

By the way, wasn't it at Middlesbrough that a fan was arrested for falling asleep at a game a few seasons ago.

In mitigation, m'lud, he had been listening to the Linneker and Shearer Show and couldn't muster any enthusiasm for the proceedings.

('Don't forget to insert that imaginary smiley face, folks)