I don’t want to live in a country where a man can’t have sex with his bicycle

By Robert Weatherall on Nov 15, 07 10:58 AM in

There are a lot of civil libertarians and do gooders out there who are constantly complaining the Government is encroaching on our privacy as individuals.

They point to things such as the UK having the highest number of CCTV cameras than any other country, identity cards and plans to compel every driver to have a satellite navigation tracking system put in their car as evidence of a future Big Brother state.

That’s Big Brother in the correct context - not a state where some slapper from London shoves a wine bottle inside herself for the entertainment of the nation.

Anyway I am beginning to think these left wing whingers may have a point. I always thought that we lived in a tolerant society where adults were free to engage in whatever they wanted as long as it was behind closed doors and they didn’t hurt anyone in the process.

Not so in the case of Scotsman Robert Stewart. In the same week a judge allowed vile paedophile Chris Langham out of jail so he could spend Christmas with the kids Robert has been placed on the sex offenders register for pleasuring himself in private...

The 51-year-old locked himself inside his room at the hostel he was living in and proceeded to have sex with a bicycle. Admittedly having sex with a bicycle is a bit weird but he wasn’t hurting anyone and he took measures to make sure he wasn’t interrupted. He locked the bloody door. However a couple of cleaners doing their rounds unlocked the door and caught him inflagrante with his chopper (weren’t they good bikes with the dipped handlebars).

They were so outraged that Robert has been hauled up before the courts given three years probation and also placed on the sex offenders register for three years.

My question is “What was the bloke doing that was so wrong?��? My girlfriend and I have lost count of the number of times we have been having sex in a hotel room only for a maid to walk in. The worst occasion was when a cleaner came in as my other half was straddled on top of me, said he had come to clean a carpet and proceeded to do so before we shouted at him to clear off.

Does that make me guilty of a breach of the peace like Robert Stewart? The only reason this case had made it to court was that he was screwing a bicycle. Presumably if it had been a blow up doll the cleaners wouldn’t have objected.

There are generations of people who have fought wars to preserve our freedom and it is being stripped away from us while we do nothing to object. I don’t want to live in a country where a man can’t have sex with his bicycle in the privacy of his room without fear of being hauled before the courts.